Saturday, June 18, 2005

Australian Women, Jewish Events, and Rich Cousins

I can't decide why it is that I feel the need to title every post in the same way. It's always 3 topics, with commas between then, with an "and" between the 2nd and 3rd topic.

On to the real fun. I was talking to Dina the other day, before Shabbos for me, which was WAY before Shabbos for you people still in the United States of Everything that Can Go Wrong in the World, and Does. Before I continue, it's very weird for me. In NYC, you're entering the latest times for candle lighting, and here, the earliest. It's messing with me!

So, talking to Dina, I told her I had a few stories, and a gift for her, so she said "why don't you post on the punks!" And here I am, motzei Shabbos, posting. My stay in Australia has been wonderful. Getting here wasn't so fantastic, considering on top of the endless flight, there was some trouble. Now, if you are hungry or thirsty, go get something to eat or drink, because this is going to be a long, interesting (I hope) post.

I started my journey in NYC, in the afternoon, after having a sleepless night packing two Wednesdays ago. I was doing all my pre-flight stuff, laundry (yea, I said laundry), and preparing things for my dad's business, checking messages, and renting out our apartment. I contacted my parents in Israel, told them I was off, and there I went, ready for the 22 hour flight that could go so wrong at any point. I had a flawless drive to the airport, flawless checkin, and flawless flight from NYC to LA, the first leg. I had a whole row to myself, so I had no trouble sleeping a little, and catching a really good movie on Qantas' AMAZING entertainment system. I mean, you can play games... GAMES on the TV screen at your seat. To think, that's only economy class, imagine first class! So, after contemplating how awesome first class would be, I deplaned (the most ridiculous word ever) and prepared for my leg to Sydney. I asked the Qantas representative where to go, and he told me to stay put, because this plane was going on to Sydney. Here is where the trip takes a turn for the worst.

The plane was schedules to leave at 11:50, so boarding commenced at around 11:00 (pm). All of a sudden, they page me. Now, note, this is Wednesday night, and for all those doing math, I have to catch with final flight of the night to make it to Sydney before Shabbos Kodesh. The guy says to me "oh, you were meant to be on the other flight to Sydney, sorry, it left without you" Ok, not so bad, conversation continues. I ask him what I'm supposed to do, he says "I don't know, we're all booked up on this flight." I'm getting a little worried, and I ask one more time "Ok, what am I supposed to do NOW?!" I'm expecting anything, an apology, a good idea, at least a condolence, but I get an "I don't know." That's it. I don't know. WHO SAYS THAT?! I'm clearly not in a good mood, and I am on the brink of collapsing from fatigue. Needless to say, him and I parted with a few exploitive deleted words on my part, and there I was, stranded. I go to my cell phone to call some people who might be up at midnight in LA, but my cell is conveniently dead. So I go fetch myself a hotel after having a, for lack of a better term, heated conversation with a Qantas representative. She books me on the flight in the morning, and tells me the time of arrival in Sydney is 8:30 Saturday night. Excellent, I'll fly through Shabbos, I'll fall asleep somewhere around the International Date Line, and I'll wake up on Saturday night as we land in Sydney.

I grab a hotel, show up in the morning, and everything is cool now. I'm rested, not so bad tempered, but $180 in the hole for the night at the hotel. Why was it that the only open room was at Embassy Suites? The only minor detail, "minor" detail, was that they no longer had a kosher meal for me. But wait, I thought, 14 hours from LA to Sydney, that's 3 meals! So now I'm in trouble. I quickly purchase some fig newtons, crisps, and nuts from the shop, and plane (as opposed to deplane). Again, HaShem was kind to me, and I had a whole row to myself, only because two girls wanted to move because it smelled bad. I didn't smell anything, but maybe it was me. Who cares though, whatever gets you a whole row. So we're flying along, I'm getting hungry (the snacks didn't really hold me over 14 hours). All of a sudden, the flight attendant busts out ice cream, made by Milky Way! I know that it's a kosher company, so I'm hoping beyond all hope that it's got that pesky OU for me. Behold, it did! I had 3. They were yummy.

So about 8 hours into the flight, I see the sun start to set. I take out my siddur, and I'm ready to get my daven on. Then I started thinking "wait, it's Thursday night now, how are we going to land on Saturday night? Even with that ridiculous Intl Date Line." I call over the flight guy, and I ask what day we're landing, to which he responds "Friday night." I went through the visual of me tearing into the lady that told me Saturday night. I was furious, not only the Shabbat thing (which I'll have to pay for), but who was going to pick me up!? I told my cousin what the stupid woman told me. Long story short from here, they lost my bags, I spent shabbat in clothes I'd had on for 48 hours, I smelled, but I still got an Aliyah at the shul. I guess it all worked out in the end, and my bags were found.

So then I spent Shavuot with my aunt in the north. She set me up with some families there, all South African, that she knew, and I spent both days running around the northern suburbs of Sydney. And by running around, I mean sitting in shul most of the time. So during the first night, studying went well. There was this new rabbi in from S. Africa, and he gave us a bunch of shiurim, it was good, learned a lot. I also learned a lot about how HOT Australian Jewish girls are. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The girls table at the meal before tikkun layl was magnificent. Everyone was beautiful. I thought maybe there would be one ugly duckling, but no. I was in heaven. There was even a set of twins! Anyway, I pulled myself away from the women long enough to get an hour or two of studying between trips to the fridge. Then the days went well, had dinner at lot of different people's houses, and met some nice people.

Unfortunately, the one negative part of my trip has been visiting my grandma. She had a stroke about 3 years ago, and she's sort of on her last days now.

Back to the fun. I'm currently staying with a cousin of mine, Danny. He's a really nice guy, one of 3 grandchildren named after my Zaide. Ironically, I'm the only one that looks anything like him, and I'm one of the few that has a personality like he had. Anyway, Danny made lots of money as an auctioneer, and has the most magnificent house. It's three floors, built only 3 years ago. Garage for two cars, 4 bedroom, guest bedroom, servant's bedroom (which is occupied by a servant). He's got 3 balconies, a full sized pool, a steam room, and about 7 plasma flat screen TVs. Don't forget the best view of Sydney I've ever had in my life. I'll take a picture and send it to you all, or post it here. It really is incredible. I also have to say something about his cars, one of which I drove. He's has the BMW SUV and the Volvo SUV. I drove the BMW (YES!). Amazing ride. And, driving on the other side of the road is way easier than I thought it would be.

Well, I'll be back in American in a few more days. I have the wedding tomorrow, and all that jazz. So I hope all of you are enjoying your summers thus far. See you all in the autumn!

All the best -

- The Punk Excequer of HM Treasurey/ Fraternities

"A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart"
Jonathen Swift

2 Shpeils

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Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

And you know what else? The other times you've written using this structure, you mentioned me too. I am a common theme! How cool? And I see you've remembered your sign-in name and password! Nice job...

Saturday, June 18, 2005 10:01:00 PM  

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Anonymous Mir said...

Aw, Nukes! I won't be in school next year to be able to hear you tell over your adventures in that special way you tell things over. (Uh, yeah, I will pick up a grammar book soon) Enjoy the Australian hotties (I can hook you up with one if you wanna convert to Lubavitchism) and the rest of your trip.

Sunday, June 19, 2005 3:57:00 PM  

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