Yay!! I have fans....Sort of

This post on this HalfricanAmerican as well as The Punks of Zion cuz quite frankly its just too damn good not to.

After pulling an all-nighter to finish a paper, I was about to head to my bed for a couple hours of sleep when I decided that before I did I would check my site-meter for HalfricanAmerican. (ask Dina its really addictive.) I looked through the visits to see if I could find anything unusual when I noticed that somebody linked to my blog from a site I didn’t recognize. (Usually its either Punks., Jewfood, facebook, various bloglistings etc) I was intrigued and excited. I mean people are reading my blog this is good right. So I click on the referral address and what should I find but a neo-Nazi web forum. Needless to say as a Black Jew they don’t like me too much and they had no problem saying so.

1. First they called me a Rambling Puerto Rican. I'm not Puerto Rican
2. Second they called me a dick sucker. Thats just rude
3. Third, and here is where its starts to get a little dark. One of the posts said "Here is that Stupid Some Bitch's Pick-choore" and it linked to a picture of me which they grabbed from my blogger profile. Now that is almost threatening. I have to admit I stopped smiling when I saw that. Don't get me wrong. I saw a picture of these guys and I'm pretty sure I could take 'em all on at once (really any of the Punks could, Helen would kick the shit out of them) but still its a little unsettling.
4. The next comment was "Nigger's Unemployed yet has two blogs running" ok that one was funny. I have to admit I actually laughed...it was clever.
5. The content of title of the next post didn't concern me what did was the alias the author chose. Rudolf Hoess (in case you don't know he was a NAZI)

Now this is kind of significant 'cause come to think of it...I've never been called nigger before. Except for by other black people and idiot white people and that was nigga'. Well also I'm sure I've been grouped by white-supremecists who talk about all the Niggers in America, but that was the "Royal" Nigger. This one was directed right at me...and all of you too. This was not how I wanted to start my week.

The greatest game in the world(and how its ruining My life)

Warning if you value your sanity do not read this post...

Ok, its time to tell you about "The game". A few months ago I was about to leave the Hillel room when Nukes and Lorraine ruined my life. They told me about "The Game," and I swear I HATE THEM FOR IT. Here are the rules.

1. If you think about the game you lose
2. and you have to announce it by saying "I lost"
3. Thats it...
4. Thats the only rule
5. simple right?
6. WRONG

Now here is how it works you walk around and when you see somebody who, you know, knows the rules you're reminded oh that game, and you say dammit i lost.

But then it goes further than that you're sitting at home bored and you want to call your friends but you need and excuse what do you do you call Jimmy and say "I lost." and he laughs and you laugh and you both die a little inside.

Then your at dinner with family and you leave your phone in you jacket, when you get back to it there's twelve missed phone calls, three voice mails and a text message all of them saying the same damn thing. "I LOST" finally your at school the next day wondering why you couldn't finish your paper. You get home and look at your logs from the previous night and all of your Im's say the same damn thing "I lost lol," "I lost lol" "I lost lol" "I lost lol" "I lost lol."

Then you wake up and you realize your in the shower you've passed out and had a mild stroke (probably no in that order) There's blood trickling from your ear and you wonder where it came from? How could this happen to me I'm only 22? You ask. You then touch your forehead feel a post-it. You don't even need to read what it says.

The worst part is, you can't quit. Once you know the rules your playing. Everytime I think I'm out they pull me back in.After a while you stop answering your phone, or leaving the house. You buy cat after cat after cat, cause they don't know your playing the game and won't give your shit about it. Your a loser and that is what its all about, isn't it?

"The last words I say before I kick the bucket are going to be I lost."-Nukes

We Have Yeshiva Bochrim and Rich Jewish Girls

Looking for yeshiva bochrim or rich Jewish girls? How about abe-zimmerman 1911?
Wondering about that bad neighbour during the holocaust or where to get some ezekiel 4:9?
Well, we probably don't have what you're looking for...but we've got something.

And I gotta say, people do some really strange searchs.

Geeky Kids Love Us

You know that geeky kid Xian* who comments all the time? Well, if he doesn't end up marrying a Jewish girl, I could just see this being his house.

So really I don't know why I'm posting this Xmas thing. Perhaps because they're already playing Xmas songs on the radio and in all the stores and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet which is driving me crazy and this short video is so funny I feel like it's almost a parody. Ah, whatever...it's funny. :)

*Also known as gaun with the wind, gaun for now., and xian sounds like zion (among other names).

Qotd: Goy Addition

While telling a story Helen felt this piece of information was necessary:

Helen: I have a couple friends in Hillel who are Russian and Jewish.

Who Wants to Marry a Jewish Girl, Anyway?

Recently, I went to see "Jewtopia" for $15 with 20-something other Hunter Jews with tickets sponsored by the Russian Jewish Club. And it was funny. As a matter of fact, there were some parts that were very, very funny. But there was something about it that bothered me that I couldn't put my finger on until a couple of days later.

They hit most Jewish stereotypes: the bossy, nosy Jewish mother, the perverted old Jewish man, the neurotic Jewish guy, the Jewish guy with the good job, the JAPy girl, the psycho-hippie girl, etc. However, most of the stereotypes were redeemed by the time the play was over. But the one person who was hit by stereotypes from every angle and not redeemed at all? The Jewish woman. Even the part where she was desirable (by the goy, of course) it was so that he wouldn't ever have to make another decision.

And here I go about to spoil the end: Neither of the guys end up marrying a Jewish girl.

Um, hello?

Where were the intelligent, well-kempt, selfless Jewish girls I went to high school with? Where were the accomplished Jewish girls I know who spent their time in school organizing fund-raisers in the few hours they had between studying for classes? Or what about the Jewish girls I know who organize series of speakers in their homes for other girls to come hear so that they don't have to feel deprived now that they're in secular schools or work places? The Jewish girls who devote their free time to teaching others, who clean their closets every season to donate their clothes to the less fortunate, who volunteer their Shabbatot to help out at Shabbatonim...where were they? Well, where?

All I have to say is that as entertainingly funny as "Jewtopia" was, it seemed like it was just a manifestation of the two writers' justifications for why they shouldn't have to marry a Jewish girl. And you know what? I don't find that entertaining at all.

Did you hear the news?

NO!
Guess who's coming to town!
WHO?

Ah, okay, I'll stop... :)

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm mucho excited about winterbreak because I'll be spending it in Israel! Spending it in Israel with me from the Punks crew are Randy, Nukes, Eliana, and, of course, Moishe (but he doesn't really count because he's there all year).

Also, if anyone doesn't get my Uncle Moishe reference, please send me an e-mail and I will try my best to help you out.

Shiksas really are for practice

If there is one true constant in this universe, it's that shiksas do not compare, personality wise, to Jewish girls. I'm not going into detail that much but for a guy who is as Jewish as Mel brooks and Woody Allen* I have observed that 8 times out 10 (84.1% of statistics are made up on the spot - Woody Allen) a shiksa will have a major personality flaw which will undoubtedly be a turnoff.

I'll end this with a quote:
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love ." --Woody Allen


*which is not that religious but will still exploit his jewishness for comedic purposes.

I Feel Like a Mitzvah-Girl

I get this strange desire everytime I wear sneakers to run everywhere I go. So there I was this morning, running through Grand Central to the 6 train when suddenly I was on the platform waiting for the train and there was a guy with a humonganoid knapsack on his back and a large knapsack on his stomach.
"Excuse me, is this the green train? 6?"
"Yes." I told him.
"Uptown?"
"Yups."
"Are you Jewish?"
"Yeah..."
"I'm Israeli."
"OH! HI!"
I, um, love Israelis.
"Do you speak Hebrew?"
Smile, "kisat."
Anyway, I'm glad I helped him because his instructions were wrong. And I hope my new ones were actually a help...

She must be stopped

It has come to my attention that certain members (Dina) are posting more than others. This needs to stop Ahkshav. We should all be posting regularly. It doesn't have to be everyday but like once a week would be nice.

It doesn't even have to be that interesting just talk about Jewishishness. For example I really don't care all that much about what I'm writing about but i did it so that it said something other than Brownsville girl under the recent posts. HA ha.

I know we all hear great quotd's (I'm looking at you DB) and we need to share them with every one yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! Any way Peace out Shabba tov and

BEWARE OF THE GARBAGE TRAIN

QOTD: Rabbinical Edition

There I was, spicing the chulent next to Eugene who was peeling the onions when the Rabbi Jacobson said, "my mother makes a nasty chulent."

Laugh.

Look over at Eugene and laugh together.

"And my wife makes an even nastier one."

Lose all control of self for laughter.

Anyway, he was using "nasty" as slang for "really good."

(Which I didn't know.) ...And now, another quote of the day, "I find it funny that Rabbi Jacobson knows more slang than you, Dina." -Aaron

Yum, Yum, I Want Ezekiel 4:9!

The other day, I was at the health food store on 72nd and Lexington with Eliana and Ben. They had raw honey. They had veggie burgers. And they had Ezekiel 4:9 cereal.
The side of the box explained that when all these grains are combined, they form a pure protein like those found in fish and cheese and chicken. Oooooh, yummy. Biblical breakfasts!

Chocolate Milk

For the record, adding chocolate milk instead of regular milk to coffee does diddlysquat for the flavor.

I Found a Wedding Dress (Not Bridal, a Guest One)

Cleaning my closet today, I noticed that there was a mysterious something hanging in the very back. I took it out and saw that it was the gown I wore to my cousin's wedding when I was in, oh, 9th grade.

I put the gown on and went downstairs to show my mother. We both got a laugh over how ugly it was and my brother came in to tell me it looked like a graduation gown. Okay, so the material was shnastola, but still. It was nice way back then. :)

I guess that's one wedding outfit I will not be wearing this season.

Shabbat Shalom!

Have a shabbat shalom!

this message brought to you by mommy pot and baby pot: (My mother bought a special crock pot for me so that I could have vegetarian chulent whenever I want. Because she's just awesome like that.)

Elders of Zion Spotting!

I turned the corner from 50-something onto Madison Avenue and started walking south. At about two steps, I noticed two 60-something Jewish businessmen talking. And what is the only thing I heard as I passed?

"And then we can control how the cash is spent."

I couldn't even make this up if I tried. :)

Quote of the Day: Conversation Form

November 2, approximately 11am in the Hillel room...

Ben (to me): We have to stop off at Duane Reade first.
Me (to Ben): We have to drop off a bag of weed first???
Nedenah (from across the room): You don't have a hearing problem! You're psychotic!

An Ode to the Screwdriver

Before this there was Shesh-Besh, Scrabble, and Trivial Pursuit. But we at Hillel have moved on. Oh yes, we've moved very, very much on. We no longer entertain ourselves between classes with board games, but with tools.
Yes, that's right--tools.
There's this insanely fun screwdriver in the Hillel room of indeterminate origin. Not only is it perfect for poking people and playing Tug-O-Screw, but it comes with six different heads you can replace the top with that fit into place from a magnetic force. Plus, it's actually purposeful.

More Israel Adventures

I just got back from one of the coolest trip of my life. I spent three days with my yeshiva hiking in the negev, and I have to say i came so close to a splattering, quick and painless cliff side death that its kind of funny. well basically for three days I consistently found my self facing a 100+ foot/meter cliff.

The first day we left nice and early (yeah right) driving south west through occupied eretz yisrael, we actually passed Jericho and maale adumim to the Dead Sea aka Yam HaMe'lach (which oddly enough translates to salt sea), where we do some serious floating. Afterwards we hiked to the desert oasis of Ein Bokeq. Following that we hiked down Ma'ale Akarabim (scorpions pass), which is really cool because I for sure remember hearing about it in the Chumash. The high cliffs and all were cool, but the scariest part was watching the bus driver making insane turns on the cliff side roads in the dark, i have to say the ride home significantly increased my emunah in The Holy One.

Day two was fun fun fun in Makhtesh Ramon, for a basic idea of where that is, think half way between Be'er Sheva and Eilat. For further explanation on what in hell a Makhtesh I plagerized this from Wikipaedia:

A makhtesh is a geological phenomenon in which a large closed body of water gradually drains through a narrow outlet; the erosion process creates a crater-like valley. This phenomenon is unique to Israel.Although a makhtesh is often mistranslated as a crater, it is not a crater, because it is formed by water and not by a meteor.

We climbed a min and cliff-ridden 90 degree path through the barren wastelands of G-ds chosen land, during which a heck of a lot of people freaked out and thought they were for sure gonna die. For that matter our guide was a typical gung ho 60+ year old sabra who practically ran though the trail. At the bottom of this nameless cliff we were guided to a wild spring where were told we'd find some wild ass, apparently we scared off these wild ladies. The second hike of the day was probably the coolest hike of my life. That afternoon we climbed Mt. Ardon, which was also in the barren and beautiful wasteland of the Makhtesh. We walked like three miles just to get to the base of this insanely tall mountain. And then as we climbed this infinitely tall mountain, we would think we reached the top only to turn a corner and find another rather long climb. When finally did reach the top we could see practically the whole 9 km by 40 km makhtesh, it was and awesome view. Of course the best was saved for last, because like climbing down was literally a few miles of sandstone cliff side paths. Some were terrified, I personally loved it. We made it back to the bus literally ten minutes before the sun totally set and the desert became pitch black. So once again I came minutes from my bloody end, and the jackals and scorpions missed a tasty dinner.

That night we had a bonnfire in Mitzpe Ramon, and came close to burning down whatever trees were in the area. Speaking of nature, well in New York we have squirrels, Jerusalem has tons of stray cats and the Negev, well they have stray Ibexs. They are pretty much small Rams which wander around the barren and not-so-barren wastelands of the Negev and beg tourists for food.

During the third and final day we hiked Mt. Zinn, near Sde Boker. This place is actually mentioned in the Chumash as Midbar Zinn, part of what the Chumash calls the Sinai and where the Jews wandered for 40 years. Personally I preferred not to get that lost.

I spent 3 awesome days in the middle of nowhere, nearly died, and loved it. Israel Rules! Now I'm going to bentch gomel(prayer after G-d helps one out of dangerous situation).

Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan

Today and tomorrow are Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan. Because Cheshvan is the only Jewish month without a holiday, it's referred to as Mar Cheshvan--which means bitter Cheshvan. But there really is a holiday in the month, because Rosh Chodesh is a holiday all its own! So here, as the Jewish Virtual Library puts it, is something about Rosh Chodesh:

Rosh Chodesh has long been recognized as a women's holiday. In the Talmud [tractate Megillah 22b], we read that women are exempt from work on Rosh Chodesh. Rashi, on commenting on this passage, delineates the activities from which they may refrain: spinning, weaving, and sewing, because these are the skills which women so enthusiastically contributed to the building of the Mishkan (Tabernacle). Why do women merit a special holiday once a month? In midrash Pirke DeRabbi Eliezer, chapter 45, we are told that in the incident of the Golden Calf, the women refused to relinquish their earrings to the men who were building the calf. As a reward, God gave them an extra holy day each month, free from work. It is customary to wear new clothing on Rosh Chodesh, in celebration of the day's special character.

Rosh Chodesh Sameach!

Qotd

Dina:(to me today) You're lucky I'm a vegitarian I wouldn't even think to eat you.