Monday, July 03, 2006

The Yidden of the East

"No, I don't worship Moses... but he was very important to the Jews. He was the first real leader when the Jews left Mitzrrr...Egypt... where...... never mind." The woman is looking at me like I'm from a museum. She is a Korean Baptist and going to church functions is almost the only thing she does. My job, I am making $12 an hour doing it, is to talk to her and help her with her conversation skills. Most of my students have topics that they want to discuss with me, or if not, will at least talk for awhile when I ask them questions. This one gives yes and no answers to everything except questions about her church, which is the one thing I don't want to talk about. Finally I try "so, have you ever met a Jewish person before?" "Ummm, noooo I don't-a thiiink so" she responds. I tell her that I am Jewish (I am not going to tell her that I'm actually only trying to become Jewish) and she nods because that is self evident being that, as far as she can tell, I'm wearing a leather doyle on my head and my shirt is ripped into four sets of long strings. We stared at each other for awhile after that and then I tried to ask her about other stuff. She did the yes/no dance for another 10 minutes and then asked me about worshiping Moses.

I have heard Koreans called "the Jews of the Orient," but until recently I didn't understand why. The oldest generation is mostly Buddhist and the younger generations are the most fiery kinds of Christians. Koreans aren't wimpy, they don't work in the diamond industry, they're not in the least bit stingy, and I have yet to meet a Korean banker or psychologist. Maybe you could say that there is a link in that Jews like pickles and Koreans eat pickled cabbage with almost every meal or that Korean men often grow the hair on the sides of their head long. Jewish mother-in-laws should be listed as weapons of mass destruction, but I think Korean mother-in-laws take the cake. The groom at a Korean wedding is required to carry his wife's mother around the entire room on his back... I'm not kidding. All of these silly things don't add up to much and don't warrant having these people called "the Jews of the Orient." I think that comes from other things.

South Korea is isolated from the rest of Asia by its brooding, abusive, alcoholic uncle North Korea. Until the end of World War II the Korean peninsula was occupied by Japan, who used it as a prostitute farm and military testing ground. After winning their independence they went full tilt into the industrial and technological world. Companies such as Samsung, LG, Hyundai, Daewoo, Kia, and Posco Steel are all Korean. The worlds cutting edge cloning science is happening in Korea. Can Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Myanmar, Indonesia or the Phillipines compare? Not even close. The Koreans are flourishing against all odds.

"The Jews of the Orient." Now all they have to do is come up with a soup that has balls in it and they're all set. That, and stop concidering dog meat a delicacy.

2 Shpeils


Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

Haha. :) Dog meat...

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 2:57:00 PM  


Anonymous OneTopJob6 said...

You know who's fuckin' Jews of the East? The Hakka. That's right. Same naggy overbearing mothers (and bubbes), same obsessive attachment to one's own monies, same excessive neuroses and hypochondria, spread so thin across the entire world, and yes, we control world banks and governments, too. And you know what? THIS Hakka's gonna become a Jew. So that makes me a double Jew. Kinda.
Fuck those damn Starcraft Zerg-rushers. The Koreans don't know the first thing about being Jewish from anything other than the KJV Bible.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006 10:11:00 PM  

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