Awards

To anyone unfamiliar with our chapter of the Elders of Zion, allow me to explain.

After coming to the realization that our very small group of Hunter Hillel congregants totally controlled the politics, classes, and administration of Hunter, we only saw it fit, as scions of the Elders of Zion, to start an Elders of Zion: Hunter College Chapter.

And so we have The Punks of Zion...

The First Annual

Punks-of Awards!
As the end of the Fall Semester nears, I have decided to dole out awards in honor of proven punkiness...

The Punkiest Punk of Punks Award:
Randy Agadi
The Raging Bull proved himself worthy of this award when he gained control of well over 100 Hunter students…just by bringing the Millard Fillmore Fan Club to Hunter.
Sometimes it takes a nut with balls to get the job done!

The Punk of Media Award:
Steve Yuniver
Steve made us all proud when he landed himself on the front page of the (Metro section of the) New York Times after our pro-Israel hosted debate watch party! Steve manipulated the media by having them portray him so that he looked like he was rallying a crowd when all he was doing was telling people not to leave…
Way to go Steve!

The Punk of Make-Overs Award:
Miryam Eisenberg
Through sheer talent and easy male control, Miryam was able to turn an ordinary Jew-boy into the hottest guy in the Hunter Hillel! And let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. Doni, under Miryam’s guidance, went from wearing the pants his mother bought him when she was still buying him pants (read: the 90’s) to a cologne-scented-boot-wearing-flared-jeans Jew of Hotness!

The Punk of Freshiness Award:
Moshe Karten
Moshe proves himself worthy of his self-made-title everyday that he pointlessly argues with us, his, ehm-hm, elders. He did, however, come up with the name “The Punks of Zion,” and for that he deserves our respect!

The Punk of Misused Big Words Award:
Doni Berger
If not for his control of the more syllabic, sophisticated words of the English language, Doni would never have been able to pro-actively defend himself against the fictitious accusations brought against him by The Palestinian Club for alleged vandalism of their anti-Semitic poster.

The Punk of Fratness:
Nukes!
It has to be handed to him, Nukes is our resident frat boy without a frat...Nukes, we really appreciate your ability to put up with the ridiculous names we call you from Nuc-u-lar to Nukes! We love you!

The Punk of Politics:
Me!
Sorry, I couldn't resist. I think I deserve this award for having nearly complete control of the male members (hehe) of the Hunter College Undergraduate Student Government.
All hail the power of my Jewess-boobs!