Sunday, December 24, 2006

merry christmas l'kulam

so yeah happy 2007th (2006th?) b-day baby jesus. I'm really feeling the yiddishe christmas blues now, whats a jew to do on Jesus's birthday with all the gentiles out feasting and stuff? I could totally use a bearded fat guy taking a dive down my chimmeny now, and lucky for him since its so freaking warm there wont be a fire burning there. Which begs the question, how in hell did santa do it in yester-year when the main source of heat in homes were fire places? did he have a special northpole fire retardant santa suit? something quite fishy about this saint nic chimmney sliding myth.

if you ask me some kids parents made it this whole present shindig to get him to shut up, and welll he told his friends and before long you have all these kids telling each other that santa brings presents down the chimmney for all the good boys and girls on chrismas. I guess those kids grew up to become good goyeshe maideles and menschen and passed on the story, thus the santa mesora was born!

Of course this all begs the question, how does santa know which houses are christian and which aren't. Well its in the mezzuza stupid! See its possible that a christian fellow arrives home way too late on erev christmas to get that tree, let alone decorate it. In this situation it would be totally unfair to mr. Gentile's kids if santa didnt stop by because of some missing tree, well to everything thing theres a solution. See santa's got special mezuzza-adar, which alarms him which houses not to take a dive by. The special homing becon un rudulfs nose alerts him to the Jewish houses and thus he doesnt make a mistake by hitting those homes.

and that ladies and gentleman is my christmas torah, happy holidays!
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