Saturday, May 14, 2005

There's something about O-Girls

well its finals season all right, tests, papers and late night parties. Of course that is all synonymous with active procrastination, kind of like christmas and new years being synonymous with drunk driving season. so im sitting here eating pizza and stressing how im not gonna get into medical school (damn im still a freshman), and then it hits me. I have another pointless brilliant idea, basically theres something about O-Girls. yeah orthodox jewish chicks from orthodox high schools who used to be closet lesbians and still practise in shul (what else did u think they do behind that mechitza?) eat insanely little and wear real long street sweeping skirts and still manage to be the hottest things on two feet on the east coast. to quote the raging bull, aka DB Cooper, aka rabbi kahane jr from urbadictionary.com

O-girl
n. An Orthodox (Jewish) girl. These chicks drive secular guys crazy because of the alluring appeal of their perceived innocence. Synonyms include dox, nash and denim skirt.
"Damn, i wish i could get some of that O-girl action!"

Ok so im plagarizing from steve, but thats ok we all do that right? Well no not really. I remember once there was a movie called Theres something about mary although i dont have a clue what its about i decided to apply that to OGirls. The only problem is that since they tend to shy away from the silver screen there has to be another way to analyze these tantalizing baby making machines. A few problems happen to arise namely that its kind of hard to get them in bed, thus their exact nature is impossible to pinpoint, and of course if you do get her in bed shes either ure wife or she has lost her ogirl status, hmm what a paradox indeed. so i decided to ask a real live bones (they dont eat enough to have flesh) and blood (hopefully not bleeding too much) OGirl to discuss the intricacies of her special status. she asked for her name to remain anonymous for fear of gaining a bad reputation and thus scare away all the Y-Boys (DB talk for yeshiva boys). of course she would still have all the secular guys whe could possibly handle (trust me she can handle a lot of them) but that would be bad publicity, as mommy always says, "its better to spread loshon hora than to be it".

for the sake of her tznius lets call her Peasach Tush. PT is a dorky ogirl who attends hunter college, knocks things over as she walks and only eats chumus. and oh yeah, her lifes goal is to have a baby. if she could have one wish it would be to perfect the art of immaculate conception and thus fulfill her dream without the risk of STD's and cooties. of course since this is impossible she tends to play hillel mother and bosses her male playthings around as if we were her own personal chew toys. She specializes in mind control and testosterone manipulation, her major is of course english, she hopes to one day be a substitute teacher at a yesihva day school so she can get up late and still refute all jap-charges.

so of course the moral of the story is do teshuva or u can forget about any frum skin and bones hottie.

oy my head doesnt work

3 Shpeils

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like moishe doeesnt even know the girl. truth is, he doesnt know much about girls to begin with, but he tries fakign it. i should stop cuz im just being mean. sorry, flashed.

Sunday, May 15, 2005 2:51:00 PM  

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Anonymous pesach tush said...

WHOA!!!
You did NOT ask me any question but, "what's your favorite food?" and you did NOT ask my permission to question me, so I did NOT in fact tell you you could quote me as long as you use a pseudonym and I do not EVER EVER EVER want to be a substitute teacher. Plus,
A few problems happen to arise namely that its kind of hard to get them in bed, thus their exact nature is impossible to pinpoint, and of course if you do get her in bed shes either ure wife or she has lost her ogirl status, hmm what a paradox indeed.
Dude, you're as shomerly untouched as "a cake at a Jewish sweet sixteen" (as Rands would say) so I don't know why you think that you can get to know a girl's "exact nature" by bedding them and that's really offensive.
And you're totally just bitter that you had to buy me a coffee as a result of losing "Rock, Paper, Scissors--Shoot!"

But otherwise, funny post…

Sunday, May 15, 2005 4:27:00 PM  

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

ure offended bc i think that girls are only good making babies and cooking?? damn get with it, lose that silly feminist dream of yours itll never happen. the sooner the better.

oh yeah, stop being so uptight

-flashed

Sunday, May 15, 2005 4:42:00 PM  

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