Thursday, December 15, 2005

I, guess I had it comin'

So, I was headin' to Brooklyn on The 'F' train with Noservice aka Lenny and we were discussing the finer points of our religion. I was trying to make the point that even if you don't believe all of the historical events in the Torah, you can still accept alot of the commandments to help you lead a better life, ie. rules of Kosher food. We then discussed how rules governing Kosher food are based to make sure the food you eat is clean...then one of our fellow passengers joined the conversation.
"WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU JEWS TALKIN' ABOUT KOSHA'," said the ranting derelict homeless man sitting next to me. "HOW CAN YOUS HAVE KOSHA FOODS IN AMERICAW. DOES HAVIN' A F*CKIN' RABBI PISS ON YOUR FOOD MAKE IT KOSHA'? HOW CAN CHINESE FOOD BE KOSHA'? HOW CAN PIZZA BE KOSHA'?"
Lenny and I were then subjected to one of the funniest, slurring anti-semitic rant i have ever heard.
It was absolutley classic. I then engaged him in conversation about the finer points of Judaism. I was already in a bad mood, a really bad mood. So I was in no mood to
"...TAKE [OUR] CONVERSTATION TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRAIN.."
as he suggested. Instead I antagonized him by taking his biggoted barbs in stride. At this point by the way we have the attention of everyone in the car and they were all laughing their asses off. This one couple seemed to be almost hesitant to get off at their stop, lest they miss more hilarity. Anyway the guy continued to rant against Jews. He then said,
"YOU JEWS ARE A PATHETIC RACE. LOOK AT YOU TWO."he belched, pointing at Leonid and myself. "YOU AIN'T EVEN WEARIN' YA' F*CKIN' BEANIE HATS..."

At that point Lenny laughed so hard I pretty much lost him for the rest of the ride. I tried to point out to the gentleman that I was also black he said,

"FUCK YOU, YOU AINT BLACK." That made everyone laugh.


At that point he bet me a hundred bucks that I didn't have my "Crazy little beanie hat under my normal hat." At which point to the surprise of my adoring audience I lifted my hat to reveal my "crazy little beanie hat." What was even more surprising is that the crazy man then opened his wallet and pulled out a sizable stack of fifty dollar bills and handed me one.

"I'LL GIVE YOU HALF." he said

Normally I wouldn't have accepted fifty bucks from a delusional vagrant, but I could really use the cash. Really in all a rewarding ending.

The lesson of the story? If a crazy black man starts yelling anti-semitic slurs on the 'F' train, don't punch him in the face, cuz he might give you fifty bucks.

1 Shpeils

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Anonymous becky said...

Ben, that's a great story. Glad you made money off of it ;)

Thursday, December 15, 2005 9:41:00 PM  

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