101 Fun(Dumb) Facts About O-girls

With significant contributions from D.B. Cooper, Browneyed girl and Jody.

I just wanted to start off this post with a preemptive apology for the offensive list you're about to read...Oh and you should read Moshe's post which is right before this one and will probably be pushed off the main page because this one is so long. I assure you, its better than this one; sorry Moshe.

1. O-Girls like string cheese and crystal light.
2. O-Girls live vicariously through "Sex and the City"
3. One third of all O-Girls are vegetarians
4. O-Girls have never heard of the "5-second rule"
5. O-Girls wear pastel cardigans over white turtlenecks
6. O-Girls use twizzlers as currency
7. O-Girls r easily coaxed into bake-offs
8. O-Girls grow on trees
9. O-Girls taste like chicken
10. O-Girls learn how to drive in a fifteen passenger van.
11. O-Girls have eight coats.
12. O-Girls like braids
13. The only thing looser than an O-Girls attendance at shul is their adherence to La’Shanorah
14. In an emergency situation O-Girls can use their skirt as a parachute and/or flotation device.
15. O-Girls don’t wear red
16. Most O-Girls would rather eat pork than enter a K-mart(even the vegetarians)
17. O-Girls wear Juicy Couture or Banana Republic
18. The O-Girls natural habitat is Woodbury Commons
19. O-Girls wear collared shirts
20. O-Girls wear denim skirts and “hoodie” sweatshirts
21. O-Girls wear grannie panties.
22. O-Girls don’t know how to cook for less than 10 people
23. O-Girls can make even the most mundane activity such as doing laundry seem slutty.
24. O-Girls tried to get a heter from their rabbi to use their flattening Iron on shabbat
25. O-Girls have iPods
26. O-Girls lose reception in subway tunnels or parking garages
27. Like all human beings, O-girls are 80% water; but 50% is mikvah water, 30 % Poland spring
28. O-Girls don't know how airplanes work
29. Like geese O-Girls travel in groups known as gaggles.
30. O-Girls look both ways when crossing one way streets
31. O-Girls don’t read anything not printed on glossy paper
32. O-Girls lose reception in subway tunnels or parking garages
33. O-Girls can spend 12 years in the yeshiva system w/o picking up even the most basic Hebrew language skills
34. O-Girls keep mini, leather bound, personalized tehillim in their purses
35. When you tell them your cell phone doesn’t have a camera on it O-Girls get really confused
36. For an O-Girl “dating” is talking to a Yeshiva boy once a week on a payphone two blocks away from their house.
37. and knitting him a kippa with his name on it in between.
38. O-Girls can’t drive stick
39. O-Girls pass out after eating Cholent in public
40. O-Girls wear keds
41. O-Girls eat pizza-bagels
42. O-Girls have scrunchies tied around their wrists.
43. O-Girls design their wedding dress in the 7th grade.
44. What’s are O-Girls first spoken words? …”I do”
45. O-girls spend hours cutting holes in all of their bedspread before they find out that that “sex through the sheet thing” isn’t true.
46. O-Girls all keep small digital cameras in their purses.
47. All O-Girls have visited the Liberty Science Center on Chol hamoed
48. O-Girls inherit their father's music collection
49. O-Girls have goldfish
50. O-Girls already have nieces and nephews when they are born.
51. O-Girls can't wear pants because there's webbing between their legs
52. O-Girls think Kentucky is on the east coast
53. O-Girls under 18 don’t have jobs
54. O-Girls have the sweetest singing voices, but, alas, we shall never know
55. When fully clothed O-Girls have a maximum stride length of about 10 inches
56. O-Girls Like Christmas Carols
57. O-Girls go bowling on Motze Shabbat.
58. O-Girls r fluent in txt mssg abbreviations
59. O-Girls like babies until they have their fourth...at number seven they start liking them again
60. O-Girls can memorize all of their father's credit card numbers, but when asked can't remember how much they spent.
61. O-Girls make up their own words
62. O-Girls are turned on by beards
63. O-Girls flirt like crazy but get offended when you talk to them (...@$%ing restraining order)
64. O-Girls love John Mayer and Sean Paul
65. O-Girls don’t understand “The Simpsons”
66. O-Girls don’t have pigment in their legs and upper arms.
67. O-Girls own acoustic guitars, but they don’t know how to play them.
68. O-Girls have pictures of the kotel in their rooms
69. surrounded by pictures of their friends
70. When in public the “O-Girl” will spend hours in mindless chatter with people they can’t stand.
71. Every O-Girls have played Nathan Detroit in an all female high-school production of “Guys and Dolls”
72. O-Girls have bookcases filled with Spharim they never read
73. O-Girls lack political experience
74. O-Girls can type fifty wpm, but don’t know what a gigabyte is
75. Fill in the blank: O-Girls don’t know what a_____ is.
76. O-Girls like play “Six degrees of Separation”(Jew edition) with everyone they meet.
77. O-Girls have so many nieces nephews and cousins that if you put them all in a room and took one away they wouldn’t notice for a week.
78. O-Girls lez out at segregated beaches
79. O-Girls know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried
80. O-Girls can see in the dark
81. and breathe underwater
82. O-Girls believe breast feeding is a contraceptive.
83. O-Girls lack the motor skills to operate chopsticks
84. O-Girls are exempt from jury duty.
85. O-Girls lose reception in subway tunnels or parking garages
86. O-Girls have golden knees and Elbows
87. By 2010 all new O-Girls must be equipped for wireless internet access
88. O-Girls are shomer negiah because they’ll accidentally steal your powers like Rogue from “X-Men”
89. O-Girls have a cartilaginous skeleton enabling them to contort in to a suitcase
90. O-Girls speak the language of the birds
91. O-Girls sleep on beds of nails
92. An O-girl can survive for a week on a can of hearts of palm two carrots and a celery stalk.
93. O-Girls freebase besamim in, the bathroom at shul
94. O-girl’s dads equip them with a black box data recorder and a homing device.
95. O-Girls don’t contribute to society.(This one was contributed by Jody and Tova. I was horrified, but nonetheless amused.)
96. O-Girls start babysitting when they’re eight and never stop.
97. O-Girls play kickball
98. Left handed get shunned from their families
99. O-Girls are too young to buy the wine for their own wedding.
100. O-Girls don't have peripheral vision
101. O-Girls should just admit that they’re wannabe catholic school girls.

P.S. 102. O-Girls are awesome and we love them very much...