Periodusagitis

I don’t know where people come in thinking that because the period is so small, it’s alright to abuse it. There is an epidemic of Periodusagitis currently plaguing our media.

"SUV. Incognito."

Believe it or not, a huuuuuuge billboard with those two sentences used to shock me into waking up every morning before going into the Lincoln Tunnel (when I used to take the bus everyday). According to my MLA stylebook, the only periods in that sentence should be between the "S," "U," and "V" (which we don't do anymore anyway) and after the incognito. There really is no need for them to break that sentence up.

Here’s a great ad I just noticed this morning on the back of June’s Gourmet magazine.

"Your stock just went up. And split."

If you’re thinking that’s not all that bad, don’t stop reading yet.

"Solara Never work hard again. At getting noticed. With the Solora Convertible SLE’s impressive styling, leather-trimmed interior, JBL audio system and power-retractable convertible top, it’s a solid addition to an already attractive portfolio."

Dude--if you’re trying to attract "high-end" consumers, try using English. It just might work. I started reading that copy, which was at the bottom of the page, and those first two "sentences" honestly freaked me out.

"Never work hard again." "At getting noticed."

Never work hard again works. There is a subject (you) and there is a verb (work) and there are even some filler words in the verb phrase. At getting noticed makes no sense. What or who is getting noticed? I don’t know! Would it have been so difficult for them to have written, "Never work hard again at getting noticed?" Of course, their version would have a period where I have a question mark. And furthermore, if I were an English professor, and with the Solora Convertible SLE’s impressive styling, leather-trimmed interior, JBL audio system and power-retractable convertible top, it’s a solid addition to an already attractive portfolio would be handed to me in a paper, I’d probably mark a big SS for sentence structure and give the paper an F until that sentence is reworked to something more like, "the Solora Convertible SLE, with its impressive styling, leather-trimmed interior, JBL audio system and power-retractable convertible top, is a solid addition to an already attractive portfolio." I am so thankful that I don’t drive a Toyota.

Periodusagitis started spreading when advertising firms forgot how to make print ads look like print ads and not imitation television commercials. And boy. Do I hope that. We get a. Cure soon!