Friday, July 28, 2006

I Need to Clean Out My Room NOW!!!!!!




HELP!!! I need to clean out my room! Correction, I need to redo my entire room! I had to get rid of a dresser, a four drawer cabinet, one book shelf, and a small size cabinet. They fell apart, literally. They belonged to my oldest sister. As far as I am concerned, she has had them for at least 15 years, maybe longer. So, in a way, its not surprising that thay fell apart. (For the longest time I wanted to change them, but she woudn't let me. Don't ask me why. )

For the past few months I have been cleaning out my room and closet. Not only do I need to clean out my space, I need to take inventory of all my pink stuff. Yes, all of it. ( I'm considering doing a seperate inventory list for all the Hello Kitty items) I have no clue when I'm going to be finished. I'm trying to get my room back to order by Labor Day. So far I've been doing okay.

As someone who likes to look on the bright side of things, I'm taking this as an opportunity to redecorate my entire room. Problem, I have less than two weeks to do this. I figure if the good people of Taking Over: Home Edition can make an entire house in a week, I can accomplish my task in 2-3 weeks.

Guys, its horrible. My room looks like it got blown by a hurricane. I have a huge pile of clothes on my bed. Half a dozen plastic bins stuffed to the rim are in the hallway. My books and magazines are stacked in piles. What really get to me is that half of my skincare and makeup products are currently MIA. Oh, in case if you're wondering, I've been sleeping on the living room couch. No, the couch is not pink.

(I apologize If I seem totally flustered and jumping from one thought to another. I'm just really fustrated right now.)

I've been going by Target, The Container Store, and Bed, Bath, and Beyond so much lately that the employees greet me the minute they see me. The sight of me slinging huge shopping bags on my back along with holding one on the left and one on the right is hilarious. Memebers of the local firehouse were impressed. Thank God for back to school sales. If not, I wouldn't be able to get everthing I needed at such good prices.

The Container Store website is really cool. There is a back to college link that has a variety of decorative choices for rooms.
http://www.containerstore.com/college/style/index.jhtml?viewAll=true

As you can tell from the three images from the top I narrowed it down to three choices. I was wondering what y'all think. Please let me know.



Friday, July 21, 2006

Because Nukes is Short for Nucular

Dear You Know Who You Are,

I feel the need to write you a public letter tonight because of the grave sin you have committed. Don't get me wrong--there are many sins worse than what you've done, but few that bother me as much. You violated the rule of friendship that says you do not commit a pet peeve of a friend and that if you are going to peeve off your friend for something that they truly feel strongly about, do not try to minimize their feelings on the matter.
My pet peeves are, in order of annoyance:
1. smashed tissue boxes (generally found in people's cars)
2. misspelled names
3. stickers that are either on furniture or have been half peeled off of the furniture they were previously stuck onto.
So when you wrote "Newcs" instead of "Nukes," I tried everything in my power to explain why you were spelling it wrong. Name spelling is not the work of individual creativity. The spelling of a name is prescribed to each person when they are born and named by their parents. The only people who posses spelling-change power are those with the name in question.
Let's say your name is Moshe or Bob or Mario. There are not many ways to spell those, right? Right. So, if any of those were your name, you probably wouldn't realize how sore some others might be over name spelling. If your name were Dina, however, you would understand. I've gotten Dinah, Dena, Deena, and Denah. If your last name were 10 letters long, as mine is, you would also have seen quite an interesting array of random arrangements of consonants in 10-letter forms starting with P and ending with either Y or I. It is because of my history as a victim of name misspellings that I can sympathize and fully understand the plight of those with misspelled names.
Name spelling is not a joke, Moshe or Bob or Mario.

Take care,
dp

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

On Pastries and Electronic Correspondence

A few months ago I was discussing some of the more amusing quirks of Israelis with the voluptuous Yael(two syllables I swear). She mentioned how when Israelis tell you their email address they will say the name then "Streudel" followed by the domain name. This is because the "at sign" @ looks kind of like a streudel pastrie. I'll give you an example: My (fake)email address is

"Baalteshuvabenny Streudel punksofzion.com" or Baalteshuvabenny@punksofzion.com

Obviously, I laughed at this prospect. But today I was at work when I was asking a customer her email address. As he started to recite the sequence of letters and numbers she had chosen, all I could think was "oh no, she's gonna get to the middle and say streudel and I'm going to bust out laughing." Now I work at a job (portrait photographer) where laughing is commonplace and infact encouraged, but laughing at a customer when she is giving her email address could be construed as a bit odd--to say the least. So, the woman--who was very cute, persian I think(from Great Neck)--I snickered when she got to the "Streudele" part. Luckily she didn't notice.

But, as the aforementioned Yael pointed out "Streudel" is alot more harder to say then "at." Why don't they just say it.


Wierdos!!!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

QOTD: MTV Edition

Me: Is MTV really appealing? Malkie: to people whose lives are so out of control they needs watch other ppl being stupid so they feel better about themselves then yes Malkie: or you're just under 14 Me: but seriously - lets watch people with painted faces who cant sing and have no talent scream into a microphone... Malkie: the good music videos are cool though, like if you like the song, you're flipping through chanels and then bam, it's there Me: yes but to sit in front of a tv to watch people do stupidity is just plain stupid and life-less. Malkie: then thats wasting away life Me: exactly -

Monday, July 03, 2006

The Yidden of the East

"No, I don't worship Moses... but he was very important to the Jews. He was the first real leader when the Jews left Mitzrrr...Egypt... where...... never mind." The woman is looking at me like I'm from a museum. She is a Korean Baptist and going to church functions is almost the only thing she does. My job, I am making $12 an hour doing it, is to talk to her and help her with her conversation skills. Most of my students have topics that they want to discuss with me, or if not, will at least talk for awhile when I ask them questions. This one gives yes and no answers to everything except questions about her church, which is the one thing I don't want to talk about. Finally I try "so, have you ever met a Jewish person before?" "Ummm, noooo I don't-a thiiink so" she responds. I tell her that I am Jewish (I am not going to tell her that I'm actually only trying to become Jewish) and she nods because that is self evident being that, as far as she can tell, I'm wearing a leather doyle on my head and my shirt is ripped into four sets of long strings. We stared at each other for awhile after that and then I tried to ask her about other stuff. She did the yes/no dance for another 10 minutes and then asked me about worshiping Moses.

I have heard Koreans called "the Jews of the Orient," but until recently I didn't understand why. The oldest generation is mostly Buddhist and the younger generations are the most fiery kinds of Christians. Koreans aren't wimpy, they don't work in the diamond industry, they're not in the least bit stingy, and I have yet to meet a Korean banker or psychologist. Maybe you could say that there is a link in that Jews like pickles and Koreans eat pickled cabbage with almost every meal or that Korean men often grow the hair on the sides of their head long. Jewish mother-in-laws should be listed as weapons of mass destruction, but I think Korean mother-in-laws take the cake. The groom at a Korean wedding is required to carry his wife's mother around the entire room on his back... I'm not kidding. All of these silly things don't add up to much and don't warrant having these people called "the Jews of the Orient." I think that comes from other things.

South Korea is isolated from the rest of Asia by its brooding, abusive, alcoholic uncle North Korea. Until the end of World War II the Korean peninsula was occupied by Japan, who used it as a prostitute farm and military testing ground. After winning their independence they went full tilt into the industrial and technological world. Companies such as Samsung, LG, Hyundai, Daewoo, Kia, and Posco Steel are all Korean. The worlds cutting edge cloning science is happening in Korea. Can Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Myanmar, Indonesia or the Phillipines compare? Not even close. The Koreans are flourishing against all odds.

"The Jews of the Orient." Now all they have to do is come up with a soup that has balls in it and they're all set. That, and stop concidering dog meat a delicacy.
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