Did you know there are two whole volumes about when a women you know...that time of month? I didn't.

The other day I spent about three hours rearranging the library in the Hillel lounge. Besides inhaling more dust than any person should without consulting a doctor, I uncovered about a dozen Chumashim, and even more siddurim than I think we could use in a life time. However I was disappointed in one respect. I uncovered only two volumes of Talmud Bavli, Berekhot and Bavva kamma.
Considering the number of arguments we have in there about Jewish law and whether not it’s ok to do this on that day, and if women are allowed to do whatnot in the presence of whoever, this seemed like a pretty conspicuous omission.
So I’ve been thinking, Why not get a full set? Sure it’s expensive, but we could do it. I ran the idea by “El Presidente” and he was enthusiastic about it.
Here’s the basic preliminary plan: We could use some of the Hillel budget. That would likely cover about 20 or more volumes. From there we would need donors. What we could do is have each volume dedicated to a specific donor. For example “Tractate Berekhot” could be to Nukes. Pesach could be me, ”Niddah” would be to Randy (hehe) and “Chullin” could be Dina. I know “Tractate Chullin” probably has nothing to do with a slow cooked Jew stew, but still it seems appropriate.

Anyway, if anybody has any ideas for individual donors as well as any intuitions and/or loaded relatives who could donate multiple volumes please let me know.

The ladies want you and the fella's wanna be you.

Saw this funny blog post
http://latexsalesman.blogspot.com/2006/02/god-i-wish-i-were-jewish.html#links

He's thinking in the right direction even if he is a little off target.

It's Almost March!

Pottery painting places are either too far away or too expensive. Most Blues and Jazz Clubs have a minimum age of entry at 21. Comedy clubs have a $15 cover or more on Saturday nights and I'm already going to see the Allman Brothers for not so cheap. In other words, where should I make my birthday party?

QUOTD: Graffiti edition

I was walking on the second floor of Hunter west building when I saw a swastika written in thick black marker on one of the elevator doors. An elderly gentlemen on observing the same said.

"Oh my g-d... that swastika is backwards what an asshole!"

Oh, Those Yeshiva Boys...Always Up to Something

I just listened to the song Fast Car in its entirety for the first time ever. Why you ask? Because it's boring and I don't enjoy tunes that are so repetitive they seem to hum, but I listened to it because my father sent me a link to this video and I had to see the whole thing. I'm still unsure as to whether they did this as a mockery of the song or in its honor (who knows? My brother listens to Z100, so I don't judge anyone), but either way, I'm thoroughly impressed that they cleaned their apartment so well. (The garbage needs to be taken out in two shots and the door closed in another, but I can look past that.) For those with no patience to sit through the song, skip to 02:06 and 03:08 for some synchronized Yeshiva boys* dancing.

Edit: Wow. Well, um. After posting this, I wondered what else would come up in Google video under a search for Yeshiva University and found this. Three minutes and fifty-seven seconds of laughter later, I am telling you to check it out now. And if you didn't see the classic it's parodying, you're probably not even Jewish.

*And by "Yeshiva boys," I mean boys from Yeshiva University.

Holy Snow! (I'm crossing my fingers)

With family's gathered around their hooka-thingies and hot shwarma, the question of the hour is, can the Jewish State survive an invasion of little white flakes? Israeli weather forcasters and other false-prophets are calling for accumulating snow tonight. Although this is probably the third time they've called for some kind of snow this year, being proven wrong in the Jerusalem area each time, I am kind of hoping this ones the real thing. According to the legends and myths floating around my yeshiva any accumulating snow can shutdown the entire area for a day. The Jerusalem Post is reporting that we can have up to 5 centimeters of this holy stuff (America-talk thats like 2 inches.) A plow has actually been sitting at the mall for about the past 24 hours and the kids at the Israeli high school here have been sent home for the weekend (being that weekends start on fridays its not that big a deal). Ever try and make a snow-Chassid? I've always wondered what a kotel covered in white was like, hopefully this is the real deal. Oh and by the way, hows the snow season in New York?

Chag Sameach

It doesn't look very Tu B'Shvaty in New York...we're kind of buried under two feet of snow. But chag sameach to every one no matter where you are celebrating right now. And for those of us along the Northeastern coast of the US, just remember that this snow will melt into the ground soon and water the trees well and we'll all be good with the blossoms and such. :) Happy Tu B'Shvat!

101 Fun(Dumb) Facts About O-girls

With significant contributions from D.B. Cooper, Browneyed girl and Jody.

I just wanted to start off this post with a preemptive apology for the offensive list you're about to read...Oh and you should read Moshe's post which is right before this one and will probably be pushed off the main page because this one is so long. I assure you, its better than this one; sorry Moshe.

1. O-Girls like string cheese and crystal light.
2. O-Girls live vicariously through "Sex and the City"
3. One third of all O-Girls are vegetarians
4. O-Girls have never heard of the "5-second rule"
5. O-Girls wear pastel cardigans over white turtlenecks
6. O-Girls use twizzlers as currency
7. O-Girls r easily coaxed into bake-offs
8. O-Girls grow on trees
9. O-Girls taste like chicken
10. O-Girls learn how to drive in a fifteen passenger van.
11. O-Girls have eight coats.
12. O-Girls like braids
13. The only thing looser than an O-Girls attendance at shul is their adherence to La’Shanorah
14. In an emergency situation O-Girls can use their skirt as a parachute and/or flotation device.
15. O-Girls don’t wear red
16. Most O-Girls would rather eat pork than enter a K-mart(even the vegetarians)
17. O-Girls wear Juicy Couture or Banana Republic
18. The O-Girls natural habitat is Woodbury Commons
19. O-Girls wear collared shirts
20. O-Girls wear denim skirts and “hoodie” sweatshirts
21. O-Girls wear grannie panties.
22. O-Girls don’t know how to cook for less than 10 people
23. O-Girls can make even the most mundane activity such as doing laundry seem slutty.
24. O-Girls tried to get a heter from their rabbi to use their flattening Iron on shabbat
25. O-Girls have iPods
26. O-Girls lose reception in subway tunnels or parking garages
27. Like all human beings, O-girls are 80% water; but 50% is mikvah water, 30 % Poland spring
28. O-Girls don't know how airplanes work
29. Like geese O-Girls travel in groups known as gaggles.
30. O-Girls look both ways when crossing one way streets
31. O-Girls don’t read anything not printed on glossy paper
32. O-Girls lose reception in subway tunnels or parking garages
33. O-Girls can spend 12 years in the yeshiva system w/o picking up even the most basic Hebrew language skills
34. O-Girls keep mini, leather bound, personalized tehillim in their purses
35. When you tell them your cell phone doesn’t have a camera on it O-Girls get really confused
36. For an O-Girl “dating” is talking to a Yeshiva boy once a week on a payphone two blocks away from their house.
37. and knitting him a kippa with his name on it in between.
38. O-Girls can’t drive stick
39. O-Girls pass out after eating Cholent in public
40. O-Girls wear keds
41. O-Girls eat pizza-bagels
42. O-Girls have scrunchies tied around their wrists.
43. O-Girls design their wedding dress in the 7th grade.
44. What’s are O-Girls first spoken words? …”I do”
45. O-girls spend hours cutting holes in all of their bedspread before they find out that that “sex through the sheet thing” isn’t true.
46. O-Girls all keep small digital cameras in their purses.
47. All O-Girls have visited the Liberty Science Center on Chol hamoed
48. O-Girls inherit their father's music collection
49. O-Girls have goldfish
50. O-Girls already have nieces and nephews when they are born.
51. O-Girls can't wear pants because there's webbing between their legs
52. O-Girls think Kentucky is on the east coast
53. O-Girls under 18 don’t have jobs
54. O-Girls have the sweetest singing voices, but, alas, we shall never know
55. When fully clothed O-Girls have a maximum stride length of about 10 inches
56. O-Girls Like Christmas Carols
57. O-Girls go bowling on Motze Shabbat.
58. O-Girls r fluent in txt mssg abbreviations
59. O-Girls like babies until they have their fourth...at number seven they start liking them again
60. O-Girls can memorize all of their father's credit card numbers, but when asked can't remember how much they spent.
61. O-Girls make up their own words
62. O-Girls are turned on by beards
63. O-Girls flirt like crazy but get offended when you talk to them (...@$%ing restraining order)
64. O-Girls love John Mayer and Sean Paul
65. O-Girls don’t understand “The Simpsons”
66. O-Girls don’t have pigment in their legs and upper arms.
67. O-Girls own acoustic guitars, but they don’t know how to play them.
68. O-Girls have pictures of the kotel in their rooms
69. surrounded by pictures of their friends
70. When in public the “O-Girl” will spend hours in mindless chatter with people they can’t stand.
71. Every O-Girls have played Nathan Detroit in an all female high-school production of “Guys and Dolls”
72. O-Girls have bookcases filled with Spharim they never read
73. O-Girls lack political experience
74. O-Girls can type fifty wpm, but don’t know what a gigabyte is
75. Fill in the blank: O-Girls don’t know what a_____ is.
76. O-Girls like play “Six degrees of Separation”(Jew edition) with everyone they meet.
77. O-Girls have so many nieces nephews and cousins that if you put them all in a room and took one away they wouldn’t notice for a week.
78. O-Girls lez out at segregated beaches
79. O-Girls know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried
80. O-Girls can see in the dark
81. and breathe underwater
82. O-Girls believe breast feeding is a contraceptive.
83. O-Girls lack the motor skills to operate chopsticks
84. O-Girls are exempt from jury duty.
85. O-Girls lose reception in subway tunnels or parking garages
86. O-Girls have golden knees and Elbows
87. By 2010 all new O-Girls must be equipped for wireless internet access
88. O-Girls are shomer negiah because they’ll accidentally steal your powers like Rogue from “X-Men”
89. O-Girls have a cartilaginous skeleton enabling them to contort in to a suitcase
90. O-Girls speak the language of the birds
91. O-Girls sleep on beds of nails
92. An O-girl can survive for a week on a can of hearts of palm two carrots and a celery stalk.
93. O-Girls freebase besamim in, the bathroom at shul
94. O-girl’s dads equip them with a black box data recorder and a homing device.
95. O-Girls don’t contribute to society.(This one was contributed by Jody and Tova. I was horrified, but nonetheless amused.)
96. O-Girls start babysitting when they’re eight and never stop.
97. O-Girls play kickball
98. Left handed get shunned from their families
99. O-Girls are too young to buy the wine for their own wedding.
100. O-Girls don't have peripheral vision
101. O-Girls should just admit that they’re wannabe catholic school girls.

P.S. 102. O-Girls are awesome and we love them very much...

Close Encounters: Part II

As promised there has been a slightly less violent sequel to my first close encounter with the arsem specie.

Saturday night, a few hours before our scheduled departure for the semi-holy city of Eilat, a fight once again broke out on the 155 bus, between yeshiva guys from my school and the same punks from our neighborhood. After a short scuffle on the bus which largely involved non-violent yeshiva tactics and a few arsem headbutts the SOS was sent to the yeshiva which sent us racing to the bus stop once again. A whole army of us sweatshirt wearing, boxer clad, chain wielding and brick carrying yeshiva guys showed up at the bus stop. Give or take about 50 of us showed up, along with the madrichim (an Amona veteran) and a few of our tzaddikim/rabbis-in-training even came in the even that someone needed their last rites performed.

As the bus pulled up some of us climbed on to the roof of the bus stop, others burned tires while chanting "G-d is great, kill the infidels" (that didnt really happen). I suppose we wanted a little Arsem blood for those Hamantaschen (And you thought Muhammed's cartoons were in bad taste). When the bus pulled up we surrounded it and in good Middle Eastern style began pelting it with rocks .... Ok never mind that, actually our friends got off and the Arsemians seeing that they were our numbered about 5:1 decieded to call for a Hudna and perhaps live to fight another day. Fair to say it was slightly disappointing, I guess theres always next time.

After another night of violent fratricidal inter-Jewish warfare under our belts we all boarded the coach buses and headed to our Eilat tiyul....

Newsflash: Denim Can Lead to Dancing

If denim could potentially lead to dancing...

An Australian state plans to ban students from wearing denim because it is linked with having a good time.
Reuters

what'll the O-girls do???

QOTD: Multicultural Cooperation Edition

During an impromptu brainstorming session for possible Hillel events.
"Remember when the Monkey-Dance Improv Troupe got together with the Hillel at the fitness club" -Ben Siegel