Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Israel: where winters at

yeah so its gonna freaking snow in israel before it snows in New York City? what the hecks up with that? When I'm in Israel i miss the biggest snow storm in new york city history, literally. and then when im back home in the good ole big apple im missing (going to miss) jerusalem style snow. lama?

i think its my warm personality :P (yeah that was very corny)

Sunday, December 24, 2006

merry christmas l'kulam

so yeah happy 2007th (2006th?) b-day baby jesus. I'm really feeling the yiddishe christmas blues now, whats a jew to do on Jesus's birthday with all the gentiles out feasting and stuff? I could totally use a bearded fat guy taking a dive down my chimmeny now, and lucky for him since its so freaking warm there wont be a fire burning there. Which begs the question, how in hell did santa do it in yester-year when the main source of heat in homes were fire places? did he have a special northpole fire retardant santa suit? something quite fishy about this saint nic chimmney sliding myth.

if you ask me some kids parents made it this whole present shindig to get him to shut up, and welll he told his friends and before long you have all these kids telling each other that santa brings presents down the chimmney for all the good boys and girls on chrismas. I guess those kids grew up to become good goyeshe maideles and menschen and passed on the story, thus the santa mesora was born!

Of course this all begs the question, how does santa know which houses are christian and which aren't. Well its in the mezzuza stupid! See its possible that a christian fellow arrives home way too late on erev christmas to get that tree, let alone decorate it. In this situation it would be totally unfair to mr. Gentile's kids if santa didnt stop by because of some missing tree, well to everything thing theres a solution. See santa's got special mezuzza-adar, which alarms him which houses not to take a dive by. The special homing becon un rudulfs nose alerts him to the Jewish houses and thus he doesnt make a mistake by hitting those homes.

and that ladies and gentleman is my christmas torah, happy holidays!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Zman Cheruteinu (post-finals)

Yeah i feel liberated, no more finals to screw up. And oh yeah for the rest of you in Bio 100, even if none of you will read this, that was plain out sadistic. Did the professor break up with her man or get turned down by a good looking student with moral fiber? God did i really just say that? See what being in biology has done to this ben torah :P

Anyways im free now to do a lot, which of course amounts to next to nothing...ok that just a jew complaining. In truth im sure my tzedek mission in new orleans will amount to something, and if nothing perhaps ill knock a few points off my olam haba debt, ok or add some more karma points towards nirvana, call it what you wish.

as my favorite bravehearted anti-semite once said, FREEDOM!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Finals (!@#$%)

In case your still stoned from that wild pre-finals party um, uh its finals season, yay.
The worst part is that I've just realized that i have a problem. i cant study! Ill sit down to go through my bio book or some other useless waste of dead trees and then realize I just cant absorb any of the information, stare at the page, and eventually get up and talk to myself on this blog. how freaking sad. the worst part of it is that I've gotta do this routine non-stop until thursday.

And yeah even worse, hannuka harry hasnt shown up with anything yet. Tonights the fourth night (i think) and some crazy bearded guy has yet to slide down my chimmney, although on second thought maybe thats not such a good idea.

Anyways good luck with finals (yeah as if this computer screen has finals) and merry chrismuka

Friday, December 15, 2006

channuka song

so yeah im bored and its erev shabbat and erev channuka, so heres the channuka song for all you kikes, kikesses and wanna-bes out there.

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a christmas bush
Heres a list of people who are jewish just like you and me
David lee roth lights the menorah
So do james caan, kirk douglas, and the late dinah shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the carnegie deli
Bowser from sha na na and arthur fonzerelli
Paul newmans half jewish, goldie hawns half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin jew

You dont need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
cause you can spin a dreidel with captain kirk and mr. spock- both jewish

Put on your shtreimel-ka
Its time for chanukah
The owner of the seattle supersonicahs
Celebrates chanukah

O.j. simpson, not a jew
But guess who is? hall of famer rod carew- he converted
We got ann landers and her sister dear abby
Harrison fords a quarter jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that noam chomsky is
Well hes not, but guess who is
All three stooges
So many jews are in showbiz
Tom cruise isnt, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend veronica
Its time to celebrate chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
Oh this lovely, lovely chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy chanukah
Happy chanukah

Thursday, December 14, 2006


As a rather underblogged semester here at punks of zion headquarters comes to an end, a new beginning dawns for this once glorious blog. I intend to bring this baby back to its glory days of the famed brownsville girl post-a-day, to DBs humor and of course the lovely endless arguments we enjoyed. You will hear tons of absolutely useless crap until you (whomever i force to check this shindig) decide for the sake of my sanity to begin writing ure own posts and thus revive this mother (think biblical dry bones story if u know what i mean).

Friday, December 01, 2006

Gotta Love Those Friday Morning Phone Calls

So we have Saturday morning cartoons and now we have Friday morning phone calls... let's work backwards through the week. The conversation went like this... (and because this blog wont let me go to the next line, its going to be written badly) ME: hello? GUY: hi who is this? ME: Alison. Who is this? GUY: Alison Shabot? ME: Yes. GUY: oh ok. sorry wrong number. (hangs up)...............wtf?!? Anyone for Thursday?
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