Chuck Is Moshiach

Maybe Living in Crown Heights has tweaked my mind.

Ramchal and Mayor LaGuardia: Related?

So it was a dark and dreary night in gotham, and I was at my computer lazying away by aimlessly wandering Wikipaedia. As I was wandering down the list of Jewish-American politicians I surprisingly found late New York City Mayor Fiorrello De LaGuardia listed. Of course our famed Italian-American Mayor was known for his good relationship with the Jewish community, coming out strongly against Adolf Hitler, but I was suprised he was listed as Jewish. Turns out his mother was an Italian Jew from Istria, and her name, Irene Coen-Luzzatto. Of his mothers religion, mayor LaGuardia said, "My mother undoubtedly had Jewish blood in her veins, but I never thought I had enough to justify boasting of it". LaGuardia considered himself to Episcopelian, from his father's side of the family.

Another famous Luzzatto that I am familiar with is the famous Italian-Jew Rabbis Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (RAMCHAL), known for his works on Jewish religious thought and Kabballa; Mesilat Yesharim and Derech Hashem notably. In fact it turns out that the Luzzatto lineage happens to have many notable Jewish figures, including Italy's second Jewish prime minister Luigi Luzzatti.

Of course the question still begs itself, is mayor LaGuardia a member of the famed Luzzatto lineage and a relative of the famed RAMCHAL and other Luzzatto's? At this point I have yet to see any internet proof that there is any connection other than a shared last name, but yet the this find does open seem to be quite interesting.

Boycott this!

Mr. Jews response to an Anti-Semite:

Its a free world, you dont have to like jews, but for those like you who dont like them, I might suggest that you boycott certain Jewish products like the Wasserman Test for syphilis, Digitalis discovered by Dr. Muslin, Insulin discovered by Dr. Minofsky, Chloralhydrate for convulsions discovered by Dr. Lisfreich, the Schick test for diphtheria, discovered by Dr. Zelman Waxman, the Polio pill by Dr. Albert Sabin, and the Polio Vaccine by Dr. Jonas Salk. Good Boycott!

Humanitarian consistency requires that all bigots like you accept syphilis, heart disease, diabetes, convulsions, diphtheria, infantile paralysis, and tuberculosis as a matter of principle.

You want to be mad, be mad; but I'm telling you now, you aint gonna feel good!

Sincerely,

Mr. Jew

Israel: where winters at

yeah so its gonna freaking snow in israel before it snows in New York City? what the hecks up with that? When I'm in Israel i miss the biggest snow storm in new york city history, literally. and then when im back home in the good ole big apple im missing (going to miss) jerusalem style snow. lama?

i think its my warm personality :P (yeah that was very corny)

merry christmas l'kulam

so yeah happy 2007th (2006th?) b-day baby jesus. I'm really feeling the yiddishe christmas blues now, whats a jew to do on Jesus's birthday with all the gentiles out feasting and stuff? I could totally use a bearded fat guy taking a dive down my chimmeny now, and lucky for him since its so freaking warm there wont be a fire burning there. Which begs the question, how in hell did santa do it in yester-year when the main source of heat in homes were fire places? did he have a special northpole fire retardant santa suit? something quite fishy about this saint nic chimmney sliding myth.

if you ask me some kids parents made it this whole present shindig to get him to shut up, and welll he told his friends and before long you have all these kids telling each other that santa brings presents down the chimmney for all the good boys and girls on chrismas. I guess those kids grew up to become good goyeshe maideles and menschen and passed on the story, thus the santa mesora was born!

Of course this all begs the question, how does santa know which houses are christian and which aren't. Well its in the mezzuza stupid! See its possible that a christian fellow arrives home way too late on erev christmas to get that tree, let alone decorate it. In this situation it would be totally unfair to mr. Gentile's kids if santa didnt stop by because of some missing tree, well to everything thing theres a solution. See santa's got special mezuzza-adar, which alarms him which houses not to take a dive by. The special homing becon un rudulfs nose alerts him to the Jewish houses and thus he doesnt make a mistake by hitting those homes.

and that ladies and gentleman is my christmas torah, happy holidays!

Zman Cheruteinu (post-finals)

Yeah i feel liberated, no more finals to screw up. And oh yeah for the rest of you in Bio 100, even if none of you will read this, that was plain out sadistic. Did the professor break up with her man or get turned down by a good looking student with moral fiber? God did i really just say that? See what being in biology has done to this ben torah :P

Anyways im free now to do a lot, which of course amounts to next to nothing...ok that just a jew complaining. In truth im sure my tzedek mission in new orleans will amount to something, and if nothing perhaps ill knock a few points off my olam haba debt, ok or add some more karma points towards nirvana, call it what you wish.

as my favorite bravehearted anti-semite once said, FREEDOM!

Finals (!@#$%)

In case your still stoned from that wild pre-finals party um, uh its finals season, yay.
The worst part is that I've just realized that i have a problem. i cant study! Ill sit down to go through my bio book or some other useless waste of dead trees and then realize I just cant absorb any of the information, stare at the page, and eventually get up and talk to myself on this blog. how freaking sad. the worst part of it is that I've gotta do this routine non-stop until thursday.

And yeah even worse, hannuka harry hasnt shown up with anything yet. Tonights the fourth night (i think) and some crazy bearded guy has yet to slide down my chimmney, although on second thought maybe thats not such a good idea.

Anyways good luck with finals (yeah as if this computer screen has finals) and merry chrismuka

channuka song

so yeah im bored and its erev shabbat and erev channuka, so heres the channuka song for all you kikes, kikesses and wanna-bes out there.


Put on your yarmulke
Here comes chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a christmas bush
Heres a list of people who are jewish just like you and me
David lee roth lights the menorah
So do james caan, kirk douglas, and the late dinah shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the carnegie deli
Bowser from sha na na and arthur fonzerelli
Paul newmans half jewish, goldie hawns half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin jew

You dont need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
cause you can spin a dreidel with captain kirk and mr. spock- both jewish

Put on your shtreimel-ka
Its time for chanukah
The owner of the seattle supersonicahs
Celebrates chanukah

O.j. simpson, not a jew
But guess who is? hall of famer rod carew- he converted
We got ann landers and her sister dear abby
Harrison fords a quarter jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that noam chomsky is
Well hes not, but guess who is
All three stooges
So many jews are in showbiz
Tom cruise isnt, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend veronica
Its time to celebrate chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
Oh this lovely, lovely chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy chanukah
Happy chanukah

CPR

As a rather underblogged semester here at punks of zion headquarters comes to an end, a new beginning dawns for this once glorious blog. I intend to bring this baby back to its glory days of the famed brownsville girl post-a-day, to DBs humor and of course the lovely endless arguments we enjoyed. You will hear tons of absolutely useless crap until you (whomever i force to check this shindig) decide for the sake of my sanity to begin writing ure own posts and thus revive this mother (think biblical dry bones story if u know what i mean).

Catch-22, What Do You Do?

Well heres and interesting article I saw on Haaretz. The argument goes that if Israel would release the terrorist murder Samir Kuntar back to Lebanon, Hezbullah would return the Israeli soldiers captured. This means allowing the man who murdered an Israeli family in cold blood to go out as a free man, what do you do?

Baruchim Habaim

This one semi-lazy punk would like to welcome Rebbecca as our new Hillel Chancellor and quasi -dictator er i uh mean director. We (myself and I hope some of the rest of you) would like to wish her with the help of Hashem and co. much bracha, hatzlocho and maisim tovim in her new draconian task of keeping us punks and wannabees in-line, well fed and entertained.

God Speed

Because Nukes is Short for Nucular

Dear You Know Who You Are,

I feel the need to write you a public letter tonight because of the grave sin you have committed. Don't get me wrong--there are many sins worse than what you've done, but few that bother me as much. You violated the rule of friendship that says you do not commit a pet peeve of a friend and that if you are going to peeve off your friend for something that they truly feel strongly about, do not try to minimize their feelings on the matter.
My pet peeves are, in order of annoyance:
1. smashed tissue boxes (generally found in people's cars)
2. misspelled names
3. stickers that are either on furniture or have been half peeled off of the furniture they were previously stuck onto.
So when you wrote "Newcs" instead of "Nukes," I tried everything in my power to explain why you were spelling it wrong. Name spelling is not the work of individual creativity. The spelling of a name is prescribed to each person when they are born and named by their parents. The only people who posses spelling-change power are those with the name in question.
Let's say your name is Moshe or Bob or Mario. There are not many ways to spell those, right? Right. So, if any of those were your name, you probably wouldn't realize how sore some others might be over name spelling. If your name were Dina, however, you would understand. I've gotten Dinah, Dena, Deena, and Denah. If your last name were 10 letters long, as mine is, you would also have seen quite an interesting array of random arrangements of consonants in 10-letter forms starting with P and ending with either Y or I. It is because of my history as a victim of name misspellings that I can sympathize and fully understand the plight of those with misspelled names.
Name spelling is not a joke, Moshe or Bob or Mario.

Take care,
dp

On Pastries and Electronic Correspondence

A few months ago I was discussing some of the more amusing quirks of Israelis with the voluptuous Yael(two syllables I swear). She mentioned how when Israelis tell you their email address they will say the name then "Streudel" followed by the domain name. This is because the "at sign" @ looks kind of like a streudel pastrie. I'll give you an example: My (fake)email address is

"Baalteshuvabenny Streudel punksofzion.com" or Baalteshuvabenny@punksofzion.com

Obviously, I laughed at this prospect. But today I was at work when I was asking a customer her email address. As he started to recite the sequence of letters and numbers she had chosen, all I could think was "oh no, she's gonna get to the middle and say streudel and I'm going to bust out laughing." Now I work at a job (portrait photographer) where laughing is commonplace and infact encouraged, but laughing at a customer when she is giving her email address could be construed as a bit odd--to say the least. So, the woman--who was very cute, persian I think(from Great Neck)--I snickered when she got to the "Streudele" part. Luckily she didn't notice.

But, as the aforementioned Yael pointed out "Streudel" is alot more harder to say then "at." Why don't they just say it.


Wierdos!!!

YEAAAHH BOYYY Represent

So...as the rest of you are--I'm sure--I was really disappointed that Israel was not amongst the 32 countries represented in Germany this summer.
That was changed when John Pantsil of Ghana, who plays for Tel Aviv, displayed the Isreali flag after a Ghana's two-nil beat down of Czech Republic, he displayed the Isreali flag for a b-b-b-billion fans. Nice work!

It's rolling that Resh that's always hard

I know that having two videos back to back is kind of lame, but this one was irresistable. It's of some kids trying to roll there reshes.